Thursday, January 05, 2006

Dallas is Dead, and We Killed It

So this is a blog about Dallas music, or the lack thereof. I'm not sure if Dallas has ever really had a good music scene. Of course, I've heard rumors about "Exile on Main Street" being a reference to the Deep Ellum blues scene of the 1950s, but as anyone in Dallas knows, Deep Ellum, blues, and the Rolling Stones are deader than Terri Schiavo. Some people also like to talk about the glory days of the early 90's when Tripping Daisy and Hagfish ruled Commerce Street, before there was such a thing as "Uptown," back when Dallas bands "meant something." That of course is bullshit too, but it does bring up a good point about the current situation in Dallas: If people are longing for the days when Dooms U.K. was considered cool, our generation is in big trouble. I remember being young, going to see Hagfish, and thinking about what kind of bands would be around when my peers and I were in our 20's, and how they would be better than bands like Soundgarden and the Toadies. While the kind of mark that our generation will leave in the realm of pop music overall remains to be seen, I can tell you that there isn't much in Dallas currently that is better than either Soundgarden or the Toadies, despite the awful music that both of those bands produced in their prime. Instead, I think there are a total of three bands in Dallas with rotating membership. They have many different names and faces but the same basic sound, and I'm convinced that they are in fact the same three bands. They are called:

1. Coldplay: There are about five thousand Coldplays in Dallas. Crybaby singer songwriter post-Radiohead Travis ripoffs that write songs for the sole purpose of kissing girls asses and boring me to fucking tears. I won't name any names for today... that is what the rest of my blog posts will be for. But I will say that these are the bigger bands in Dallas, the kind that SMU sorority girls go see, and might even make out with from time to time. But remember fellas, even if you are in one of these bands, your commuting to Garland ass is never going to get one of these uptown girls living in their uptown worlds for more than a night of kissy face at Lush, which makes your band's very existence utterly pointless since you only formed it in the hope of getting a date with one such aforementioned girl. Sorry, you lose. Quit now so that the rest of us don't have to suffer with you.

2. Interpol- There are about five hundred of these bands in Dallas. They are "edgy," they wear little ties, and they have keyboards. And act like Duran Duran. Even though their music is better than the Coldplay bands, I hate them even more because while the Coldplay bands are utterly clueless, I feel safe knowing that they don't make music for me, and don't care whether or not I like it. The Interpol bands, on the other hand, make music for me, and think that I either do or should like it. They are wrong on both counts. Its bad enough that we all have to look at these people and get tricked into thinking we have taken a time machine back to Williamsburg circa May 2002, but its another thing to pick up the Dallas observer and read about a cutting edge Dallas band thats totally into the 80's and Goth and blah blah blah. Like we need to be reminded that Dallas is three years behind on the world's dumbest trends.

3. Drowning Pool- That guy died. Its sad. Do I really have to mourn by hearing 2000 "real" rock bands reworking a sound that was about as exciting and complex as a date with Fred Durst at Chilis? The answer is no, and Dallas rock bands have been violating my civil rights for some time. Too long, I say.

The point of this blog isn't just to be an asshole, although that is a big part of it. I'm going to go to some local shows, listen to local CDs, and write about them. You are going to read these writings and enjoy them. Sometimes I will be mean to the bands that annoy me. Sometimes I will be nice to the bands that I like. But I will keep my identity secret. And since I'm not involved in the local "scene" that doesn't really exist, and surely am not friends with anyone in a local band, you can be assured that personal politics will never get in the way of my main goal, which is to feel superior to everyone in town.

Shows suck, scenester parties suck, and all the DJ nights suck ( if you can call some dude with an ipod full of Pulp b sides a "dj."). Maybe this will change, and maybe it won't. But I'll be here to chronicle some of the details. Join me, won't you?

You can Email me any time at

send me mp3s, party and show announcements, pictures that you want me to post, or whatever you want.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You left out all the bands that imitate Wilco. My favorite thing to ignore (not Wilco, but Wilco copycats). Keep up the bitchin'! Love it.

7:13 PM  
Blogger stonedranger said...


10:44 PM  
Anonymous chainsaw said...

and the flaming lips. i see quite a few lips rips.

9:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Haha - You also left out the cross dressing, low-fi acid rock weirdos... wait, thats kinda cool...

4:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

... and dallas was never the same again.


3:53 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home